apple crisps

new york is cold and gray this morning.

and i am in love with the city for this reason alone.

because from the confines of my room--my home, with my desk lamp all aglow, i am thankful for this next day, this new season, for the impending holidays that herald this weather as their calling card.

this writing business is a tricky thing.

ideas come often.

well, relatively often.

nagging, little ideas mostly.

usually an idea comes to me and it sits for awhile.

and then another idea will come. and another.

and once i've collected four or five seemingly disconnected notions they start moving around like in the spin cycle of a dryer.

and after just enough to time to lose a few socks to who-knows-where, i begin to write.

but if i let the ideas collect for too long--if i have too much to say, the dryer stops turning, the socks stop warming, and i am the one who's lost.

i suppose that is the point where i just choose one idea and begin. work it out in words. even if i don't think i have words. even if words fail.


i've been in such a funk. a little over a month and a half now. the great debacle of 2009, my little funk.

ned. oh ned. really, we're back here?

after australia things were so good. it was all in perspective. and i started to feel beautiful. my god, for the first time in four years i felt beautiful. and then ned. and you know what? i didn't want to write about it because i thought, been there, done that. no one wants to know. the story's been told. it's boring. and honestly? i was embarrassed, ashamed. by the humanity of it--by my own fallibility. but this is how it works. you go in circles and move forward only to be sucked back by a current you couldn't see. and then you break free again. and you find new waterways. and you reexamine and rethink. and one of these days, one of those thoughts might just change my world.

some of my friends threw an apple crisping party on tuesday night. apple crisp and ice cream and wine.

i wasn't going to go. the funk prevails.

but the party was so close (a miracle, since i live far from almost everything) and i was cooped up in my room. and i have some very lovely friends that know my habits and knew some coaxing might be in order. so i got on the bus and went. and i didn't put any makeup on, or change my clothes. i didn't feel beautiful. and the funk carried on.

and then i got there. and i felt so unbelievably lucky. for these people that couldn't have given two shits what i was wearing. for these people who have seen me at my worst and still invite me to their apple crisps. for these friends who make me laugh and offer me wine and say, this too shall pass.

and pass it did. or at least lifted a little.

to my one-day-pal,



you are a very lucky man.

why?

because nothing unburdens my soul quite like cleaning house.

however, you'll have to put up with said burdened soul.

and cook. you'll have to cook, because i can't.



love, love,
me

ps: i had to beg, borrow, and steal (all three) a computer just to get this note to you.

away from computer.

computer broken. stop.

earliest appointment at genius bar, tuesday evening. stop.

will return when fixed. stop.

have no idea when that will be. stop.

ah. stop, stop, stop.

there must be an end to the string of bad luck i've been having.

hmmm.

lipstick pick.

yesterday joanna posted about red lipstick. 

and it got me thinking.

about my own pick.

the past year or so i've taken a great liking to lipstick.

because my left eye leaks (a lot lately) spending any time on eye makeup tends to be a waste. 

so i do mascara and a strong lip.

but lately i've been wanting something a bit more natural--like a lip stain, but not quite.

i've been feeling very low maintenance. 

so my pick for the season is laura mercier's hydrating tint in "berry." 

it's actually more vibrant than it appears in the picture and as it wears off it definitely has a stain quality.

so there you go. 

my two cents because i know you wanted to know (what?). i'm talking crazy now.

but seriously. after working for a cosmetic company this is what i know--yes, those girls and guys are informed, but nothing beats spending a few hours in sephora and trying everything on. you know what looks good on you. or you'll learn. either way... win, win.

november brings good tidings.

i'd like to wipe october from my slate.

start again.

fresh.

so november first came.

sunday morning.

my friend kate and i ventured to the east side to catch the nyc marathon.

if ever you find yourself in the city on the day of this gorgeous event, you must watch--participate--partake in some way.

there's nothing quite like it. 

people. everywhere. from all over. doing something so unbelievably difficult and miraculous. each with a story. running together. a moving quilt covering the blacktop streets. an endless stream of wordless music as their feet meet the pavement.

kate and i were walking across 62nd street towards first avenue, approaching the party, when we saw runners. moving at a speed you can't even imagine. whoosh. whoosh. woosh. followed quickly by a news camera on a dolly. whoosh. and we realized, oh that's the lead pack. we just saw the very front-runners. live and in person. i took this as a very good omen for the month. had we arrived a minute sooner we would have been inside and walking up the stairs and missed their passing. a minute later and we wouldn't have had any idea. our timing was... fortuitous. 

a tiding of all the good things to come. i think.

i hope.