breakfast.

i'm feeling a little ...

hmm...

i don't know what i'm feeling this morning.

my ears are itching. allergies have taken hold.

my parents leave for morocco today. i wish i was with them.

i am missing home desperately.

and i'm scared.

(huh.

yup, that's it.

that's what i'm feeling).

overwhelmed by life itself.

oh, did i tell you that i'm leaving new york for the summer?

for three months.

i'm headed to a land many of you might have heard of:

utah?

yes, utah.

i'm going to find out about a life.

but more on that later.

for now i'm just thankful for meaningful breakfasts.

meaningful breakfasts are a better attempt at equilibrium than anything else i can think of (today at least).

a manhattan weekend. in pictures.

seeing in colors.

sometimes i like to go and just stand under the arched trees of central park.

and feel both small and big.

and safe.

to feel enveloped by green.

and remember that, while for one brief moment

i may not be able to see the blue of the sky, it's there.

it's always there.

and today i feel so darn full of blue.

(in the best possible way).

the couch.

there's a spot, on the furthest end of the couch, where one can sit and see nothing but water and rock and the green of trees newly bloomed.

i sat here the first day and thought. this is where i will come. to sit and write and drink my coffee. to begin my day with a quiet prayer. and feel my body hum with gratitude.

i am slowly learning that things happen just as they meant to. time unfolds and reveals us to ourselves.

and for now, those are the only words i have.

me too. (a conciliatory action or peace offering of sorts).

sometimes i will have thoughts (little ones, easy ones--like go turn the coffee pot on) upwards of 15 times before it actually sticks long enough for me to do it.

i over think everything. i over analyze everything. i take ridiculous things personally.

and i sometimes give up too easily.

i am ashamed of nothing more than my ability to act selfishly.

i have no patience for people i consider less intelligent than myself. (this one hurts to ad

and am terrible at responding to emails.

i can't remember dates or appointments to save my life.

cultivating financial stability? what is that.

i will only eat bananas when they've been thinly-sliced and thoroughly saturated by the milk in my cheerio bowl. because other than that, i hate them. i hate their smell, their texture, the odor they leave in the garbage bin.

i am forever convinced that i've lost my keys or my wallet or my credit card. this leads to many an unnecessary moment of panic.

and i go quiet. i can't say what needs to be said. until it's too late. and then there's too much to say and the words i choose do more damage than good.

and i still can't cook.