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broken screen


i got home from work thursday night at two in the morning.

and then woke the next morning around 7:30 to find i had shattered my computer screen. yup, shattered. don't ask how.

i then proceeded to sleep twelve hours friday night. and twelve again on saturday.

i've been feeling overwhelmed and stretched and exhausted. the past week has felt like three. and it's been so great because i'm busy and working hard and really taking the time to do good things for myself. but i need to find a balance.

i can't imagine i'll be doing much blogging this week since my computer is in the careful hands of those mac genius guys.

so until then...

you turn 25 and get creative. (or you turn 25 and find life is still hard and you must get a bit savvier about it).


laundry in the shower (yup, that's right)


time is slipping through my fingers.

i leave in the morning and am gone for the day.

and that's it.

there's one job. and then another. and then this exercise class on top of errands and meetings and on and on.

and i couldn't be happier to be busy.

even if my schedule is up-in-the-air at best. even if there's no time to run to my apartment in the middle of the day. even if i'm just slightly, just a wee bit overwhelmed. and feeling stretched in one hundred directions. even if i'm tired. very, very tired.

truly, i'm so thankful to be employed and engaged and active.

but it was tonight in the middle of my third-ever physique 57 that i though, oh. my god. i stink. that smell, that smell! is that me?!

upon natalie's suggestion (and encouraged by her gorgeous figure) my friend victoria and i have signed up for the newcomer's monthly unlimited. and we're determined to get our money's worth. and to strengthen our bodies, yeah, yeah.

so we went tonight. together. had to schedule ourselves for an "open" class (which means all levels) as opposed to a beginner's class (our level). we were assured by the receptionist we'd be fine. we could simply choose the easiest level of each position.

now let me be very clear here: this was the first physique class i was unable to laugh through. nope, no laughing. it moved passed the ridiculous to the holy-mother-of-what-have-i-gotten-myself-into. i was sweating bullets after five minutes. my legs were shaking violently at ten. and twenty minutes in i thought if asked to stand on only one leg, one more time, i might actually collapse. it was the first class in which i wanted to cry. a beginner is not an open class prepared for! (at least not this open class, at least not with my lackluster natural ability {not to mention i'm tall and i think that just makes everything more difficult--more body to deal with, more natural weight, and don't even get me started on flexibility}).

but because i have a partner in crime (vic) i returned home tonight knowing i'd have to return tomorrow and those stinky clothes simply would not do. unfortunately i only have the one pair of new balance black spandex.

so i got creative. gathered up my socks and pants and bra, plugged the bathtub, poured a little detergent in, dumped the clothes, and proceeded to take a nice, long, hot shower. walking and stomping on the clothes all-the-while.

and as i did so, i thought, this is how i know i'm twenty-five and really living the dream.

or the life.

or something. i'm livin' something.


physique.


yesterday morning i took my first physique 57 class.

with natalie teaching.

and my friend victoria by my side.

i thought. i was going. to die.

the only thing i could do was laugh through the entire class.

the first ten minutes consisted of something cleverly-entitled skiing.

let me very clear: there are few things i like more than hitting the slopes--from a very young age this has been true (see below photo as evidence):

from a wee age:


but after the first ten minutes of physique skiing my legs were shaking uncontrollably.

in fact, i have no idea how i survived the rest of the class.

but i did.

and the promise of a slimmer waist is just so darn seductive.

yes, yes a healthy, fit body, healthy heart--all that is appealing too. in fact, that is the primary goal.

but let's be honest: new york is small. and ex-boyfriends abound. and one wants to look good when...well... you know how the girl psyche works.

so tomorrow morning i return. for more torture. and i cannot wait.


romeo and juliet via anne shakespeare

i went to school for theatre.

and somewhere along the way life got in the way.

and so i took some time. for myself. to refocus.

and then i agreed to do this little production of romeo and juliet. in utah. to see if i might go back.

and that yielded... well. uncertainty.

and all i wanted--all i want--is some definitive answer. some clear signal to erupt before me.

a friend asked me this week if i feel like an actor. and i said, i don't know.

what does it mean to feel like an actor? truly, i'd like to know. and if i don't know, does that mean i am not one? that i cannot be one?

intellectually i know that we all have different paths. different timelines. but what if i'm not moving forward at all? what if i'm just treading water? standing at the fork in the road


today is the first day of october.

the start of october ushers in my favorite time of the year.

perhaps it is the feel of the air. the sense of new beginnings and hope. perhaps it is the celebration of my birthday. or that it begins the path to thanksgiving and christmas.

i'm not sure precisely what it is, i'm just glad that it is here.