last month there was an incident with a gun. in which i found myself in close proximity to one. very close. not that it was pointed at me, or directed at me. but it was a loose cannon a mere three feet away from me.
and then last week i was nearly hit by a car. i heard the screeching of breaks and looked up the hill to see what had happened only to discover the bumper just a few inches form my legs.
and all i could think was... there will be a third. i am nothing if not superstitious. and things come in threes.
but camilla, bless her heart, told me these things weren't so much about near-death-experiences as they were a way for the universe to tell me to slow down, look around, take care--to look after myself.
and if that was the impetus--this slow down notion--then perhaps this flu has been the coup. the final third.
it came on so quickly. that was the startling, frightful part. it washed over me in an hour--less maybe.
but i've been feeling so strong lately, so healthy that i thought it wouldn't last. low fever? neck pain? tightness in my chest? they'll be gone in the morning.
and so i'd wake feeling better and set about cleaning my room because there was time--for the first time in a month and a half there was time! and i was not going to stay in bed wasting it. so i'd clean the apartment for fifteen minutes, get exhausted, lay on the couch and then (for the most part) go about my usual life. because the fever was so low. and really i was fine.
and soon the fever was gone. and i was well.
but new york got hot. (hotter than texas, hot). so hot that i missed the return of my raised temperature.
and so when i got home last night and thought, huh, i really don't feel well and did my little dance with the thermometer, i was forced to reckon with camilla's prophecy: i need to slow down. i need to take care. i need actually give my body this extra time i've found to be sick. to do nothing but lie in bed. and drink lots of water. and watch netflix on demand.
i can't worry about cleaning my room. or the apartment. or my desktop.
i just need to be sick. to give in.
of course i'm gonna go to the doctor first. because a week of a fever is a bit much, no?
Uncategorized
these photos are for my mother.
i had a party to go to a few nights ago and i wanted her to see i wore my hair down. and okay, so i wore the dress she wasn't super keen on. but turns out when you're not feeling well and running a low fever, the most comfortable article of clothing takes the cake, hands down.
on friday, before there was any hint of the flu that was about to sweep over me,
a light breeze and i'm off and...walking. today, i'm walking.
(last night a man told me i looked like the spitting image of natalie portman in black swan.
really?
i have a lot of strange notions about what i look like, but really?
i don't know if it was a compliment or his way of saying i look tired and neurotic.)
the air is barreling in through the windows today. cutting across the living room and kitchen. cutting across the gray-blue walls of my room to where i sit in my beloved reading chair.
i slept last night. got a full night of sleep. and what wonders that strange and lovely elixir of sleep is! i awoke feeling like a person. a person who could get through the day before her, and as i'm told, that's important.
i keep catching smells and missing things. this morning it was the beach. a few days ago it was my aunt and uncle's home in new jersey. funny how each smell is of a place of peace and balance.
i had this dream for the month of may. that i'd wake each morning and spend an hour writing. one hour doing the very thing that creates a vibrational energy in the deep tissue of my body.
now it is june. and this did not happen. writing gave way. and exercise gave way. and a tidal wave of the mundane overtook. mundane but necessary.
i haven't moved my body in a month. my poor body! it's desperate for a challenge. so instead of spending any more time here i'm off for a morning walk along the hudson. there was a brief time it would have been a morning jog. sigh. oh well, i'll get back there?
ps: coming to book club this saturday @ 2:30? it's at the same location as last go round. if you'd like to attend and don't know where the meet-up is i need you to send me an email at wilybrunette@yahoo. entitle it BOSSYPANTS so i can get back to you immediately!
color for the blog. eye-candy for you.
feeling low on my own inspiration today, i thought i'd share some photos (taken by others) that i can't stop thinking about.
photo credits: