an adventure (vacation?) for the mind.

i came to utah to work on some things. to work on myself, i suppose.

to grow in many directions all at once.

and as i attempt to figure things out, i can feel my mind rearranging itself. taking down all the old books and bowls and folded photos. restructuring. new shelves. different dimensions.

but this restructuring is somewhat... terrifying. i find myself dreaming of things i haven't dreamt of in years. half-nightmares. waking face first in a water-logged pillow struggling to catch my breath.

these dreams, these dreams i can deal with.

it's the slow, inching, creeping of my memory away from me that brings on terror. it's as though someone is covering over the green of the all england tennis club with a protective tarp. that slow and steady cover up--preventing the ping-pong collision of past and present.

and i am left waiting for the rain.

but the brain is pretty smart, no? and it knows when remodeling is in order.

so come on rain. the playing field is protected. and i'm ready for a little slip-and-slide.

a fourth of july three day holiday.

i had the loveliest weekend celebrating america's independence. here in provo it was something of a three day affair.

on saturday i headed with some friends to see the grassroots production of romeo and juliet. actors and performers and the like love to borrow and steal and pay homage to others so we went for ideas. with a cooler of bread, cheese, and grapes there was nothing like sitting on a sloping green hill, mountains all aglow in the distance, having an interactive and very fun shakespeare experience.

then on sunday night a lovely blog-reader jess kindly invited me over for sunday night dinner. we talked and laughed and i felt so included and cared for. nothing like a home cooked meal.(pictures to come).

and then this morning we woke good and early to catch the parade that heads down center street. i must say that when celebrating the fourth, nothing makes my heart go pitter-patter quite like the sight of red, white, and blue: flags. lots, and lots of flags, please. however,sitting in the sun for a few hours has taken it out of me and i am pooped, ready for a nap. (did i mention i have a farmer's tan on precisely one arm. yup, just one).

hoping your weekend was just as wonderful as mine!

over and up.

i'm sitting her looking out at the mountains. from where i sit at my borrowed, wooden desk they eclipse my window completely. and in turn swallow me whole.

these are the mountains facing east. new york lies beyond them. and believe me when i say, that metaphor is not lost on me.

there was never any doubt about this. this little expedition i'm on. there were concerns and moments of terror, yes. but that divinely-inspired voice that lives right there in my gut was very clear. go, it said. go, and life will unfold, you'll see. trust me, it ever so calmly pressed into me. wrapped me in its message.

and so here i am.

but even with God's blessing or goodwill or what have you, i wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and wake up three months from now. i longed to nod my head once and with the genie's blink become the person i'd been promised at the end of all this.

i just didn't want to have to do the necessary work to get there.

but the mountains, of course. and their all powerful metaphor. a gigantic mountain range between me and the life i once lived. or the life i will live. or the life i dream of living.

this eruption of green plopped right there. right in front of me.

when i was little we'd take road trips through the western united states. and my mom would always say, imagine how the pioneers did it. how did they do it?

and the thing is i sure as hell don't know. those covered wagons. entire families in tow. rocky terrain. leaving behind all that is known, not only heading toward a new future, but carving out a never before seen path along the way. can you even imagine? the courage of it. startling.

the only way over the mountain before me is up. one small step in front of the other. a metaphorical tapping in to my own inner pioneer.

so okay. here goes...

today i am stuffed.

with the salad below. (euf, so full!)

with gratitude.

with love for friends new and old.

with undeserved kindness.

with peace.

and the knowledge and faith that life has a way of working out. (ps: remind me of this the next time i think the sky is falling, as invariably i will at some point in the near future.)

(note: ignore the strange look on my face. i think it's the product of nearly finishing the salad {yes, the ENTIRE thing}, which left me careening toward food comatose. and ignore my poor hair--that's a product of dying hair dryer.)

dear mallorie,

thanks for giving me my first cafe rio experience. and for the trip to wal-mart for a new hair dryer. my hair thanks you. let's play again soon.

xo,

meg

helloooooo, utah!

i had the loveliest afternoon. yup, the loveliest. there, i said it.

the gorgeous emily of la vie en rose treated me to gelato on provo's center street (we both had pecan) and then took me on a walking tour. she pointed out the best places for mexican food and milkshakes (diego's and sammy's {separate stops}).

i had so much fun and laughed and laughed and instantly i felt a little more at home.

oh, did i mention that when she came to pick me up she brought me a jar of jam? a jar of my very own. for the fridge. and yes, it's homemade. swoon. and yes, i've already had some on toast. and yes, perfection, it was.

thank you emily for giving me such a gorgeous welcome. (and for being patient enough to post for the obligatory picture-taking session). i can't wait to do it again!

ps: camilla of champagne bubbles posted this and it came as such a surprise. it kinda made my month. actually, no kinda about it, it did. it made my month. especially because i want to claim camilla as a real-life friend, desperately.