i met a guy when i was eighteen.

i had just graduated from high school.

was being treated like an adult for the first time.

and this guy liked me.

and i remember lying in bed thinking, well, i should just go for it. i should have the experience.

and i made the decision to like him. because i thought such decisions were possible.

and for a wee bit of time the delusion held.

but just for a bit.

because before long i learned such things as like and love are never decisions. but inevitables.

he lived uptown. i visited his apartment twice? maybe.

and he handed me a key.